So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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