I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
