He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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