I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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