do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
