Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
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He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
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Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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