Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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