so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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