there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Do vagina's smell?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
