Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
