I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
