I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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