if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
