I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
