need another drink. this is the easiest way
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
