Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize