wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
