I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
