I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
