Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
