Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
whose ass print is on the piano?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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