it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
