38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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