Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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