This is not my ceiling
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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