i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
