Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
