And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
