i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
