The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
