I am midnight drunk by noon
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
