I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
