i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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