He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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