Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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