so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
