Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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