life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
