Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
