a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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