Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
