What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
