apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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