i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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