I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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