just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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