Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize