Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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