I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
