i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
