I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
