you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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