At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I got inside last night via doggy door
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
