i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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