i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
