You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize