My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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