Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize