she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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