i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
