Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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