I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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