I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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