it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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