Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
