I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
