end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
