I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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