He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
