I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
