Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize