I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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