I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
