Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
