I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
